Que Sera Sera, What Will I Be

I remember asking my mother when I was in high school for advice on "what to be" when I grew up and she always gave me the same answer. The answer would always infuriate me because I didn't understand at the time what she meant. All I wanted was clear, specific guidance. I wanted to hear her say, "be a rocket scientist, or a astronaut, lawyer, doctor, etc, etc." But this was never the response I received.  It wasn't until 2007,  that I finally began to understand her answer and I've spent the last seven years trying to figure out what exactly her answer means to me and how to apply it to my life. Now, I know that it was the best advice 

Like most teenagers, 20 somethings, and probably 30 somethings from small town America, I had dreams of being someone special  and getting the heck out of small town America.  I used to sit and look at my mother and wonder, "Why?"  "Why did she still live in this town, where she grew up.  Didn't she have the desire to get out of this one horse town?  My mother was a stay at home mom, until I went to school. She than began working for the school system as the "Lunch Lady" and once I graduated from high school, she began to work as a custodian. In my little, uneducated mind, I would scream "How Dare You!", how can you be content to be a school custodian, where is your ambition, your desire to be something more, to change the world, to make a difference!

 My mother passed away suddenly in October of 2007. There was no warnings, no signs, no anything. Her autopsy showed no known cause of death and her death certificate stated she passed of natural causes. She was 56 years old.  I tell you this because...life is short.  My brother and I planned a small funeral in a chapel that sat about 50 people, naively thinking this would be more than enough room for our family and my mothers few close friends.  The day of her funeral, the 50 seats were filled with people overflowing into the hallway and into the foyer, standing room only.   

Needless to say I was stunned to see how many lives had been touched by my mother, the ordinary high school custodian, who was content to live her simple little life in small town America.  No big corner office,no fancy car, no big mansion of a house, no other "signs" that denote "Success" as defined by Societal Norms. My mother was extraordinarily ordinary and average.  However, she was special because held the key that everyone in the world seems to be searching for...THE SECRET KEY TO THE PURPOSE OF LIFE!

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, What will I be...Her answer was:

" I don't care, I just want you to be HAPPY."  

On the cusp of my 40th year, two handfuls of failed relationships, three college degrees, an eclectic career path that ranges from server to Executive Director,  and 21 years of trying to chase the American Dream and keep pace with the Jones...and being completely unhappy, I finally understand the advice my mother gave me. Welcome to my journey to Happiness!